If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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