Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
