that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
