I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
