Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
