Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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