I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
