Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize