Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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