guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
