i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
