her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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