Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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