His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
