Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I party with great urgency now.
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