and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
