I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
