Everything about him screamed your future.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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