His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
