I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
