I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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