I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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