So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
