i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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