Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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