Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
