I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize