I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
