im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
