Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
