Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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