i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would ride that face into the sunset
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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