we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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