i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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