I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
