After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
