im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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