How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
