It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
