I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
