I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
