The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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