1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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