And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
