i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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