Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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