mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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