i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
