Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
