You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
