omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
