Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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