I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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