I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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