i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
