I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love accidental penises.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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