so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
