I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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