I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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