i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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