i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
