there's paper in my vomit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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