Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
