Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine