Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.