My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.