Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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