i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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