We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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