Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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