Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize