i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
