You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
