I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
