So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
