Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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