sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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