Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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