i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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