I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
