in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
