ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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